THERAPY: Flirting for girls who know jack about Jack.

I’ve met some clients who are sort of like these urinals. If you have no sense of humor and have no idea what that picture means, maybe you should skip the rest of this post.

I hate to say it, but some girls are awkward. They have no idea what to say to a guy once he likes her, and usually their meet cutes end up like these urinals, placed wrong, avoided, exchanges of funny looks, and definitely no follow ups.

Thankfully there are some tips here to help girls like this. Girls that always try to get the guy but laugh too loud and come off psycho, or are too quiet and come off manic depressive, or are klutzy and come off drunk, or are clingy and come off stalkerish.

Can you tell I’ve read the minds of many men? I have, about 3000 guys or so, and no I’m not joking.

Tip #1: RELAX! The first step to not coming off as a crazy stalker, is not being a crazy stalker. Secondly, relax and realize that he’s actually NOT from Mars, he’s from Earth, just like you, and like most human beings he’ll have interests that are surprisingly similar to yours.

FIRST STEP: FIND COMMON GROUND.

Tip #2: NO FREAKING! The last thing a guy wants is to date someone who acts like their mother and is completely serious about everything. They understand well enough that women are sensitive, but if you break like glass and get all sniffly when he hasn’t called or he shoots off some remark about you having a pimple on your forehead, you don’t need to freak out! Seriously, the spaz cases are the first to go.

SECOND STEP: BE CALM, COOL AND COLLECTED

Tip #3: BE FUNNY! I mean it, guys gravitate to this shit, whether it’s a funny video on you tube, a funny joke on DYAC or even your own Auto Correct Fail, they love this stuff and eat it up. I mean really, texting him something like, “Hey wanna go for pussy later?” (when you meant to type pizza) is a great way to break the ice and get both him and you laughing. And frankly, if you’re not confident enough to be able to laugh at your mistakes now, you DO NOT even want to enter a bedroom with this guy. (I mean that, women fart too)

THIRD STEP: MAKE HIM LAUGH

Tip #4: BE SEXY! That’s not a euphemism for dress up like a hooker or a dominatrix. I mean dress nicely, wear make up, straighten your hair, send him regular pics of yourself (not naked ones you pervs) and throw on a little perfume, not too much but a little. It also helps to shave everything (I mean EVERYTHING, even if the woman doing the bikini wax asks you to hold your flab) You don’t have time not to be metrosexual. You heard me, men are getting eyebrow waxes these days for crying out loud! They’re working hard to make their junk suck worthy, and um, you need to do the same.

FOURTH STEP: BE A SEX KITTEN!

Tip #5: SURPRISE HIM! He’ll think he knows your personality in five minutes if you let him. That’s because men are simple and they like to put women in little boxes. Once they’ve figured you out, they’ll either be so interested in your looks, your personality, or your skills in the bedroom that he’s staying. The thing is that doesn’t mean you have to stop doing all that stuff. You’re still dating, you’re not in a relationship yet, and if you let him see that you’re getting boring, he’s going to bounce. I mean there might be only so many late night conversations about your life story a man can handle in his lifetime, but you do need to let him know little things about you. SOMETIMES you need to dig into that brain of yours and tell him about the time you went cliff diving when you were 17, the time you got caught by the cops but not arrested, the time you ran a red light and almost got t-boned by a semi, that time you ate an entire chocolate cake (okay maybe not that one, leave that one out), or something interesting that’s happened to you. Keep the detours from the beaten path frequent so that just when he thinks you’re a 30 something employee at Starbucks, you’re also an award winning swimmer, or a star soccer player, or an awesome singer, or a retired cheerleader. They need to know that stuff about you, so lay it out!

FIFTH STEP: SHOW OTHER SIDES OF YOUR PERSONALITY AND KEEP HIM GUESSING.

With any luck, you won’t went up like those urnials, but more like this one.

Namaste,
Rhi

Comments ( 2 )

  • BookMarc Blogpants says:

    Wow! NEVER read a post like that before. I&#39;m almost inspired to write the male equivalent but I have the disadvantage of not being able to read womens minds. Still, it doesn&#39;t stop me working hard to keep my junk suck worthy! :)<br />Cool post.

  • RhiannonPaille says:

    And for those you bugged eyed at the vulgarness of this post, in my defense, a client requested it, and believe me, those vulgar comments are for her benefit! I&#39;ll have the male version up soon!

The comments are now closed.