I’ve been thinking a lot in the past few weeks about my place in the book world. I’m struggling to fit in, like I usually do in just about every circle I’m part of. I’m not a niche market, or a number, I’m just someone who wrote a book, and thought it was good enough to let other people read it.
Sadly, the people I’d really like to work with don’t seem to get on board with me. I have no idea why I’ve been passed up by just about everyone in publishing, but that’s where I stand. I’ve got books out there, and it’s the non fiction that does well.
I’m not a glory hound. A couple months ago I realized that all I ever wanted to do was write a book. I didn’t care if it got published or became a bestseller. Those were ideas that were shoved into my head by the well wishers who have since betrayed me or turn away from me. I feel heart broken that I let the book I worked on for six years, get sullied the way it did. I regret the previous direction I went in, chasing some silly dream of being the next Julie Kagawa or Cassandra Clare. I regret working with people I knew weren’t going to stick around unless they saw my book become the next best thing since Harry Potter. I regret putting my all into something for someone else.
I don’t regret writing the book.
The relaunch is something I felt I had to do because of the fall out, and in hindsight, it’s a good thing. I’ve been able to take the manuscript through another excruciating round of edits, and I’ve added a couple of scenes I deleted the first time around. Both of them because I thought they were too steamy for YA. For the parents who read this blog, do not let your nine year olds read my books please. I’ve been asked countless times if kids under ten can read my books and the answer is no. Twelve and up, or fourteen and up even would be great.
In one of my conversations with my editor he asked me about the romance between Kaliel and Krishani and specifically where my inspiration came from for that. Obviously they are the focal point of the whole series, so evidently all my inspiration revolves around their relationship. And in my head, there was a lot more sex. I told my editor that if I had written it the way the story was fed to me (through my guides) it would have been rated X and classed erotica.
For the sake of the story I veered away from the sex. There’s too many erotic stories out there that gear directly for the sex and have no story line. They don’t take other life situations into play. I wanted my story to be more about the tragic love story than about the hot steamy romance.
But the relaunch . . . gives you both. Hot steamy romance, and tragic love story. It’s aimed at older teens who have been in similar situations. We have to face a fact that over fifty percent of today’s teen population is having sex. Keeping it censored from a book isn’t going to stop them from experimenting. In not holding back, I’ve managed to give the readers more of the truth. Kaliel and Krishani had a serious relationship. They weren’t “hooking up”, but they were definitely doing more than sleeping in that cave.
And if you’re lucky, I’ll post those scenes right here on the blog.