That is not what I do.
Last night was reminiscent of my teenage years when I’d borrow the archaic cameras from the photography lab, head out to Osborne Village or Assiniboine Park to take pics with my friends.
I always liked the photos you don’t expect to see and for me, I liked the process of developing the pictures in the dark room, chemicals, and plastic clips on clothes lines. I loved singling things out in my photos, things like rings, earrings, hands, legs, or something in the background. I’d magnify them and create a photo of it. I used to have a stack of them, but I have no idea where they went.
I haven’t taken pics with friends in quite a long time. I used to pose for photo ops at comic con and most of those candid shots I wanted to hide under my bed.
I find it very difficult to capture who I am in a photo, what I’m about, because people don’t get to experience me in person. They have to go by what they see online and frankly, the shots I take with my iphone or my digital camera are just poor quality. I’m sorry you’ve had to see those but at the time they were the best I could come up with.
And that leads to what you’re looking at now, some shots done by my friend Ted last night at the University of Manitoba Campus. We were messing around with costumes and lighting and since he was taking pics of two of my other friends, Jello and Sam, I said sure, why not take some pics of me? Never know what you’ll get.
What I got was nostalgia. I haven’t considered myself pretty since those black and white photos my friends and I took when I was seventeen. I’ve been the weird girl in photos, the one that doesn’t know what to do or how to smile. I’ve felt self conscious because at comic con everyone takes pics of everyone and mine always turned out horrible. I avoided people with cameras and stopped wearing costumes because of it.
Anyway, this is me, who I used to be, who I am, and who I’ll always be. I might not be a pretty girl, but I am just me and that’s it.